Thursday, April 29, 2010

A Day in the Life

We have officially moved in. We are in residence. Aaannnndddd this concludes the blog. It’s been real people…. 

I kid. The super fun has just begun. Here’s a day in the life of me, now that I live in chaos in house form. Wait a minute, there’s order in chaos. Will work on another comparison.

Wake up on the 3rd floor.  

PTG for life homeys.

Even tho I leave some 45 minutes to an hour later, I bid my farewell to the Notorious upon waking. You know, people often try to quantify their love for one another. “I love you more than there are stars in the sky.” “I love you more than there is sand on the beach.” Whatevs. I love the Notorious two flights of stairs. Cause I’m not walking back up a full three to get that last embrace.

Next stop, giant room closet to pick up scrubs and such. 2nd floor.

Only slightly less awesome than the original due to clutter. There’s more stuff in there now than there are stars in the sky.

Then, it’s downstairs to the wash room. Where I wear flip-flops to shower. Notorious Britney’s it up with bare feet. Or, he secretly wears my flip-flops. God I hope he secretly wears my flip-flops.
Cannot quite call it a bathroom. Or even a restroom. Am pretty sure it has to have a sink to qualify as either. 

1st floor. Side note, it's a serious bummer if you have to whizz in the middle of the nite. 3rd floor to 1st floor with the whackest placed light switches ever. Seriously, it could not be any less convenient. Really, did you see the light fixture in the above picture? Shower with shoes on, lights off for a comprehensive approach to safety.

So, the sink we do use, the only sink we have in the entire house, is in the previously condemned kitchen. Whaddya want from me? My hand has been forced.

At least there’s a linen closet to keep clean towels.

All this up, down, over, and out makes me hungry. Next stop, 1st floor Liv-itchen.

Once I’ve picked up my cold, microwaved or toaster ovened food item/s, I head to catch some AM news. Back up to the TV room on 2. Giant room closet adjacent.

Back down to THE sink to rinse. Now, the catfaces are here too. So, it’s down to Catlandia (aka the basement) to refresh their water, say morning to the ladies, and gaze at the empty baskets they NEVER sleep in.

And finally, TTG. Time to go to work for 300hrs straight and then do it all over again.

The kittenheads do come upstairs, but only when supervised. They can’t be trusted. At this point, Catlandia is the safest place for them. Lemon already made a move for the space between the floors. A little hard to see, but the space is on the Notorious’ 11.

We’d have to send Bubbs in to retrieve her. Which would totally work.

You can also see the progress with the bathroom on the Notorious’ 11, 10, 9, 8, etc. That’s a whole other story. We are on our third tub now. They’re delivered cracked pretty much every day.

Speaking of crack. The Notorious was recently ruminating how we kinda live like crackheads now. And we kinda do. Or how we imagine crackheads live. Slightly creepy spaces. Sparsely furnished. Cats in the walls.

No offense to crackheads.

We've got plans for days, just no days for plans. Will keep you posted. Hoping things really move once the bathroom is finished.


Monday, April 26, 2010


Hello all. So, we'll be back with a super fresh post on Weds or Thurs of this week. I've been working on the nite cheese the past couple of weeks. 7pm to 7am does not agree with me. Well, come to think of it, neither does 7am to 7pm. To-may-to. To-mah-to. 

Here's a teaser tho, guess who's showering in flip flops? And guess who's pulling a Britney Spears and not?

Til then.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Spring Day

Dear Previous HO, Congratulations! As was previously believed, your concept of beauty is not non-existent. Though clearly only a negligible amount exists, it does in fact exist. Hurrah for you! A lovely spring surprise sprung in the back “yard” whilst we were away.

Yes, P-HO, I did photograph this from inside. Yes, through the sliding glass doors. The sliding glass doors that do not do anything remotely close to sliding. And P-HO, while I complement you at the start, you do not finish well b/c when the non-sliding glass doors are taken as a whole, well, I don’t see how you can come back from this one.

You are one very tiny, very crazy lady. Why cover one side with brick? Was it structural? Were you left with no choice? Of course not. Tell them P-HO. Tell them what you told us when we asked just these questions at closing.

“The glass was too clear.”

Nuff said.

Shaking our heads in united disbelief,

e. and the Notorious

Since our inception as a couple, I’ve told the Notorious that he is one my favorite people I’ve ever met. Our inception was long ago, and that makes for a long run on a short list. But recently he's been put to probationary status. I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking it’s b/c of the slow progress (?) we’ve been making on the house. Not so. The Notorious is seriously hard working. He is a hard worker. Once I played a drinking game while watching a Gore-Bush presidential debate, and we had to drink each time the B said “hard work”. (Or “flip flop”.) if that game were about the Notorious, we’d all be knee-walking drunk right now. In fact, here is why his status as one of my faves is in peril:

I have fully owned up to my total lack of construction skill and/or know-how, BUT I cannot fathom why allowing 98% of the debris from an entire torn-out room to fall in the hole that was once the tub is a good plan. Especially so if you’re the one cleaning out the debris. Or flip-flop that. Maybe it is a brilliant plan if you’re not the one cleaning out the debris. But how could he have known that I would be the one doing the cleaning blog friends? Or maybe he totally knew. Touché Notorious. Touché. An evil and, might I say, remarkably well executed plan. And there are few things I like more in this world than a well executed plan. Commanding such respect this would have earned him full re-instatement on the list had he not taunted me today with a sly smile and this: “I can’t wait to see you hold up drywall”. Evil.

Every cloud does have a silver lining tho. B/C I was the one cleaning out the tub/hole, I got to make the newest and most awesome weird stuff found in our house discovery.
Was someone for reals eating corn on the cob while bathing? Trying to figure out another reason for the why and the how makes my head spin.

Post tub/hole duty on Thursday, I set to work on the 3rd floor flooring. And yes, you do access the 3rd floor via yet even more RED stairs.
But just look at the reward that awaits that vengeful climb.

Ahh. And just think, we’re going to put in a rooftop deck! I will admit this is the backdrop view. The frontdrop view in not quite so ahh.

It's an Indonesian restaurant. But the food is delicious. So, mmm.

Anyways, BFF (blog friends 4-ever), I’ll leave you with some before and after shots of the 3rd floor front room and it’s possibly salvageable floors!!


If you’re wondering about the crookedy, broken window, that’s South Philly air conditioning people. Get hip. And if you’re wondering about the “PTG” on the wall, I’ve no idea. Guesses are welcome. Or should I say Please Try Guessing, tho there's about a 67% chance the "G" probably stands for gun. So, give it a shot.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010


The Notorious is back in action.

So, will the bathroom be serviceable before move-in? TBD friends. TBD. I wish I had some skill, and perhaps I will acquire more (or some at all) as we progress. Currently my home renovation skills consist of hiring someone else to do the work. The Notorious does not hire.

Here is what I have been doing...

Most of our belongings have been moved in to the house. (By us. Not movers. See above: The Notorious does not hire.) And we have an appalling amount of stuff. So, I have been busy sussing out all the belongings to their temporary storage locations. In short, I climb stairs. Lots and lots of angry red stairs.

For example, the interim closet:

Used to be a 2nd floor kitchen. And probably originally a bedroom.

Little known Philadelphia home factoid. Homeowners used to be assessed property taxes based on the size of their closets. So, lots of homes, ours included, has zero-depth closets. Maybe not zero, but I've no idea how else to convey the shallowness with words. They don't even have hanging bars cuz hangers won't fit. I've tried with pics, but all I had was chapstick for reference.

So, when your closets are 3 chapsticks wide. Turning a room into a closet totally makes sense. And for people with as much clothing, shoes, etc. as the Notorious and I (Oh yeah, he's almost as bad as I am.) harbor, it might just make permanent sense. I heart giant-room closets. 

Dear Previous Homeowner:
Hey HO. Because the Notorious and I are from the Midwest, and as such, super courteous, we saved this for you.

It's remarkable that a room can have so many uses, right? An awesome giant-room closet. Shitty 2nd floor kitchen. Bedroom. Phonebook. 

Take care. And give our best to Malik and Wahyu.

e. and the Notorious

Given that today is my birthday, let's review things that are older than me.

See if you can figure out what's old about this pic. Try not to be distracted by the rotting light fixture.

Word people. That's an old school gas light fixture pegging down from the ceiling.

Also, with the return to bathroom demo, the Notorious found an interesting (his opinion) and gross (my opinion) collection (?) of stuff in the walls. Probably an interesting and gross attempt at insulation.

Lots of tags from N. Snellebburg & Co. too. The Notorious promptly googled all the identifiable items. And promptly told me about quality of milk, New Jersey, clothing makers, dates, zzzzzzz....


Saturday, April 10, 2010

Judgment Day

Well blog homeys, super bummer civics update:

The Notorious has been selected for jury duty. He’s actually seated on a trial. Seated on a trial that meets every stinking day. Then he works at nite. So, that leaves us with an untouched bathroom. Untouched might denote pristine. Pristine your eyes on this…

Though, the pipes and fixtures are copper, and apparently copper is all amazing and valuable and flexible. So, maybe copper is so super awesome we can stand in the hole and still take a shower.

13 days to move in. Major setback.

Normally, I’d say I’m in favor of due process. Really, before this week, I can’t say I gave it much thought. But now, I say “boo” process. On the bright side, the total halt that is boo process has given us such housing gems as the Toilet Room.

Used to be known as future guest bedroom. Now, it’s commonly referred to as the Toilet Room. Just to note, that is the old commode. The old commode whose flushing mechanism was held in place with a rubber band. On the bright side, found a rubber band.

Tear out is still mid-process. And remember how the tile was affixed to all walls with a shocking amount of concrete. Well, check it, concrete proof of, well, concrete.


The only way to end this post on an up note. Kittens.

OG catface.


New catface.


e. and the Notorious (and Lemon and Bubbs)

Tuesday, April 6, 2010


Bathroom is wired for electricity. Not actual light, yet. But electricity people! We are light adjacent.

 Hurrah! Progress!

And on this day that there was the possibility of light, I said let there be gorgeous hardwood floors underneath the crappy shantytown floors, and there were crappy subfloors underneath our crappy shantytown floors.

You know you hear about people who uncover “gorgeous hardwoods” under their shag carpeting. I think it’s an urban, home renovation legend. Either way, we have to re-do much of the floors. As in, put in new sub-flooring and then do the floor-floors. The wood is shot with lots of holes, which brings the next installment of…

Dear Previous Homeowner,

While we applaud your recycling efforts, CAN we really take this effort at being green seriously?

Personally, we’ve been looking in to sustainable flooring options, but Previous HO, we CAN certainly sympathize with the cost deterrent to going green. At this point, we should just invest in re-shaping the house to resemble a pipe organ. Because if you CAN do this, we CAN be organ-ic with that.

With continued disdain,

e. and the Notorious

Remember the other day when I was all like “I heart Ikea”? Now I’m all like “Ikea friend or fjoe?” Why have you fjorsaken me? Fjirst, you sold me something you don’t actually have. After the very lackluster Carol of baths assured me that it was in stock. Then you made me wait in your ridiculous return line to return the item you sold me that you do not have. And then Ikea, you couldn’t fjurnish me with a delicious 110-calorie non-fat frozen yogurt cone for one dollar (!) b/c your machine was “broken”. The same delicious 110-calorie non-fat frozen yogurt cone the Notorious and I always get when we visit. To shame Ikea. To shame. Fjix your yogurt machine and maybe you’ll fjix my broken heart. Oh, and get the legs for our bathroom vanity.